I first read ‘The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 and ¾’ when I was about 12 years old. I found it hilarious and relatable, especially Adrian’s crush on Pandora! However, the constant fighting and splitting-up between Adrian’s mum and dad stuck out as something negative about Adrian’s childhood. If you feel as though you are often upset or scared because your parents are constantly shouting at each other and often split up temporarily, this blog will walk you through the potential next steps and support available to you if they choose to divorce.
My parents argue a lot, should I be worried?
It is no secret that all parents bicker, usually about something boring like bills! Don’t worry, the occasional argument in your family is nothing to be concerned about, as long as you don’t feel like your safety is at risk. However, if you feel as though the shouting is too frequent to be normal, and you find yourself feeling scared or vulnerable regularly due to one or both of your parents’ behaviour, this is not okay, and can be considered a form of child trauma. But try not to worry, there are plenty of resources out there designed to help you.
Where can I turn if the arguing gets too much? Do I have any rights or say in this?
The Crown Prosecution Service (which is the legal body that creates laws in England and Wales) have stated that if you feel unsafe or frightened by arguments between your parents, whether they involved you or not, you will automatically get access to mental health and safeguarding services, as this can be incredibly traumatic to watch.
Like Adrian Mole, you may feel lost or alone when this arguing and shouting is occurring. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents about how you feel, tell another trusted adult, such as your teacher at school, another relative, or your friends’ parents. They can inform the people that can help you. There is an Act of Parliament (which is another fancy term for a law) in England and Wales that is known as The Children Act, and under that, every agency for child safety must listen to you and consider your feelings.
You always have the right to feel safe, and informing a trusted adult if you don’t is vital to help you work towards a situation where you are happy and safe.
My parents aren’t together anymore, and this upsets me, what can I do?
Adrian’s parents stop the shouting eventually because they decide to split up. This is a shocking event that Adrian doesn’t seem to process for a while, despite his dad’s very clear sadness about it. If you are in this situation too, and you feel safe enough to do so, you can talk to your parents about your feelings; they should understand that you need answers.
However, if your parents have split up and one of them has moved out, you may find yourself stuck between who to go to. If this is the case, it is likely that your parents will first be encouraged to consider alternative dispute resolution, in order to reach an agreement, without the need to go to court. This may include mediation, where even you may be involved, to talk about your wishes and feelings. If your parents are unable to decide between themselves, even with the assistance of professionals, then a court application may be used as a last resort. If you want to see both of your parents, the court does have the power to rule that you can live with both of your parents. This will be the arrangement until you turn 18; after that, it is entirely your choice where you go!. Don’t worry, you won’t have to go if you choose not to!
If you do find that your situation requires a visit to court, there is no need to panic. You can always choose not to attend the court hearing if you do not wish to. However, if you do, you have the right to meet with the judge that is deciding what to do for you and your family, and this will give you the chance to talk to them without any pressure from either of your parents. Court can seem scary, but there is truly nothing to fear; Section 1(1) of the Children’s Act is in place to ensure that your welfare and safety is the biggest priority. Plus, there is a special document laying out the rights of children, known as the United Nations Convention of the Rights of Children, or UNCRC, and Article 9 of this ensures that you will not be split up from either of your parents unless your safety is at risk. That being said, if you wish to stay solely with one parent, like Adrian did with his dad, the court should take your request into account. Also, if you have siblings, it’s okay to want to have a different arrangement from them! Remember, everything is being done with your welfare and happiness in mind. All of this information is laid out in a Article 12 of the UNCRC, and this article ensures that every child (including you) has the right to express their views in every matter that will affect them and promises to take that seriously.
The Welsh Government also have a programme called the Working Together for Children Programme (WT4C). This is specifically designed to help you through the process of your parents’ divorce, from deciding about splitting your time between them, to helping you understand how your life will be after the divorce is finalised.
What can I do if I don’t like my parent’s new partner?
Even though it doesn’t seem to upset Adrian too much, he is surprised and slightly confused when his mother forms a new relationship with his next-door neighbour, Mr Lucas.
If one of your parents has begun a new relationship, this can be daunting, as the idea of getting to know a whole new adult can stir up feelings of anger, especially if you feel like this new person is ‘replacing’ your other parent. Remember, your welfare is always protected by the law, so in the event you encounter any difficult, you can refer to the resources linked further down in this article to help. Communication is key: if you are comfortable doing so, try and talk to your parent and express how this makes you feel. They should do their best to accommodate your feelings.
Closing thoughts
Hopefully this blog has helped you to grasp the different rights you have in terms of your welfare if your parents are either causing you upset as a result of fighting or ultimately getting divorced. There are some other charities you can turn to as well, though:
Childline: 0800 1111
Childline are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and are there to support you with any questions or queries you might have, no matter how big or small. Unless the adults on the other side of the phone feel as though your safety is at risk, the conversation will remain completely confidential, and you don’t have to tell them anything about yourself! https://www.childline.org.uk/
NSPCC: 0808 800 5000
If you or anyone you know is living in an abusive situation, whether at home or elsewhere, contact the NSPCC for free advice. Someone will always be there to help you. https://www.nspcc.org.uk/
The Children’s Legal Centre in Wales:
The Children’s Centre is there to help improve life for young children and their families if they are facing hardships by helping them understand the law and providing free legal information. https://childrenslegalcentre.wales/how-the-law-affects-me/at-home/
The Children’s Commissioner for Wales
The Children’s Commissioner acknowledges how precious childhood is, and is driven by children themselves- by speaking directly to children and finding out what they require, the Commissioner aims to improve life for all children in the UK. Children’s Commissioner for Wales (childcomwales.org.uk)
Hi! My name is Amba Hetherington and I am currently studying Law with Criminology at Swansea University in my 2nd year. I have a passion for writing, and I thoroughly enjoy sharing my knowledge of the law!
Thanks goes to Rhian Jones, Associate Solicitor at Harding Evans Solicitors, for checking the legal content of this blog.