Content warning: domestic abuse / sexual abuse mentioned
‘It Ends With Us’ is a story about a young girl named Lily Bloom who has recently graduated college and moved to Boston to start her new life. There, she pursues her dream of opening her own business – a flower shop.
She first meets Ryle Kincaid on a rooftop, after her father’s funeral. Lily was never that close to her father as he was abusive towards her mother. Lily and Ryle go their separate ways. Soon after, Ryle and Lily reconnect and begin a relationship. As their relationship progresses, Ryle slowly becomes abusive to Lily, despite seeming like the perfect man. For example, Ryle burns his hand cooking and takes his anger out on Lily. Upon learning that Lily has the phone number of her first love, Ryle is blinded by rage and attempts to sexually assault her and pushes her down the stairs. Lily leaves Ryle after this but when she goes to the hospital, she finds out she is pregnant. She wants the cycle of abuse to end with her and her daughter.
Why is Ryle’s behaviour towards Lily wrong?
The way Ryle treats Lily is unacceptable for a number of reasons. He physically hurts Lily and even attempts to sexually assault her, which in a relationship should never happen. Your partner shouldn’t ever hit you or take their anger out on you, and if they do, this is defined as domestic abuse. Everyone deserves to live free of the threat of being hurt or attacked by another person, especially in their home.
What is domestic abuse?
It’s important to understand that Ryle’s behaviour towards Lily is unacceptable and wrong. It is domestic abuse. In the UK, we have the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, which defines domestic abuse as “physical or sexual abuse, violent or threatening behaviour, controlling or coercive behaviour, economic abuse, and psychological, emotional or other abuse”.
Domestic abuse can begin with small things such as your partner dictating to you who you can be friends with, or it can start more seriously like with Ryle pushing Lily. Despite “It Ends With Us” focusing on Lily as the victim of domestic abuse from her partner, children can also be victims of domestic abuse inflicted on them by their parents. For example, Lily worries that Ryle will start to hurt their daughter, which leads to her leaving the relationship.
What to do if you’re in the same situation as Lily
If someone is treating you how Ryle treated Lily, it is very important for you to seek help. Often abusers will manipulate you into forgiving them, which is shown in “It Ends With Us” when Ryle repeatedly apologises to Lily after he pushes her, and even tells her that he is in love with her. This is manipulative and somebody who loves you wouldn’t hurt you.
There are many resources available for victims of domestic abuse. For example, you can go to the National Domestic Abuse Helpline and contact them online or via their free confidential phoneline, 0808 2000 247.
Additionally, in Wales we have the Live Fear Free helpline which offers free help and advice 24/7 via phone, online chat, text or email.
You can also phone the police to report a specific incident and potentially get your abuser charged.
What if my parents are hurting me?
If your parent is hurting you, you should speak to a trusted adult. In Wales, the Children (Abolition of Defence of Reasonable Punishment) (Wales) Act was passed on 21st March 2022. This has made the physical abuse of children illegal. This includes smacking, hitting, slapping and shaking. This law was passed so that children get the same protection that adults get from assault. Everyone has the right to live their lives safe and free from the threat of, or actually having to endure, physical abuse.
If your parent is hurting you or making you feel unsafe at home, it’s important to speak to your teacher or a trusted adult. If talking to an adult feels scary, you can reach out to ChildLine, at 0800 1111.
What would happen next?
If the police are called, they are able to arrest the abuser if they feel it is justified. An alleged abuser is held for up to 24 hours before being charged by the police. There is no single criminal offence for domestic abuse, however, there are many offences that an abuser can be convicted of:
- Common assault
- Actual Bodily Harm (ABH)
- Grievous Bodily Harm (GBH)
- Rape
- Sexual assault
- Stalking
- Harassment
By going through the legal system, you may be able to get something called an injunction against your abuser, which is a court order that requires someone to not do something. You can only get one of these if there is a conviction. However, you are able to get a restraining order, which is a temporary court order that is issued to stop a person from carrying out an action, even if the conviction is not upheld.
Remember relationships are meant to be fun and full of love, and you shouldn’t ever fear your partner! There are always people who are willing to help you and listen to you if you ever find yourself in this situation.
My name is Madison Williams, and I am a second-year Law with Criminology student at Swansea University. I wanted to take part in the ‘Reading my Rights’ blog as I think it’s important that everyone has an understanding of what rights they have in different circumstances.